Fiasco In The Tech Store

I want you to take a moment and just think. What is the most expensive, precious, rage-inducing (should anything ever happen to it) item that you own. Now imagine someone manhandling it in your presence… You feel that? That is your inner primal instincts bubbling up as your mind conjures all sorts of execution/torture scenarios that you would put the perpetrator through.

Now, not too long ago I upgraded my tech. After languishing in lag hell for what seemed like eons with an outdated gadget, I finally obtained salvation. A new machine that zooms like Bolt, is sleeker than a reptile and looks as stunning as Zendaya in her SpiderMan: Homecoming premiere dress. In short, it is a really good machine. Now obviously, for one to get quality when it comes to tech, they need to be willing to invest. And invest I did. Months of saving, foregoing meals in favor of starving, foregoing bus rides in favor of walking among other things. As they say in Shark Tank, I was all in.

One fateful day I happened to stumble upon a store that had just what I was looking for. I had to have it, and made the mistake of showing my excitement. The store owner put up a price tag that turned me away but led me to pledge that “I’d be back” (**Insert Arnold Schwarzenneger accent**). After a month of calming down and reinstating my poker face, I made good on my promise. I returned oozing buckets of confidence and thug-like intimidation. Unfortunately, the machine of my dreams had found a home in the hands of another. The store owner promised to get me another one (**Insert DJ Khaled accent**) and come the next week, I was back again.

When he brought it out I slowly nodded my approval like Marlon Brando in the Godfather Saga. He proceeded to list the specs and I held my hand up to silence him. I would explore the secrets of the machine myself. After an hour (Yes, one hour) of examining it, I made my decision. It was going with me. We haggled for a while with the store owner and when he got too stubborn I had to go all gansta on him. “This machine is leaving with me, whether you like it or not, so do us both a favor and just say yes”. He laughed on hearing that but I was dead serious. For reasons why, refer to the second paragraph. Now that I think about it, I should definitely try that line on my future father-in-law and see what happens.

Long story short, I got the machine and was quite pleased but that was not the fiasco I referred to in the title. For that, we need to fast forward to about 3 weeks from the date in question. So there I was, going back to get some additional accessories to better protect and augment my machine. On entering the store, I found some bony fingered, bleached skin lady getting advice on which machine would suit her best. I took one of the empty seats and brought out my mine to start working. Now, in the course of the conversation with the lady, one of the store clerks borrowed my machine to show her a demo of what to expect since I had bought it from them. This did not sit well with me but I kept cool. The lady then reached out for it and lifted it with one hand.

Bear in mind that by lifted, I do not mean that she placed her hand below it at a central point that would guarantee equal weight distribution thereby safeguarding structural integrity. Far from it. She held it at the edge with no evidence of respect at all. In that instant, I froze. And her misdeeds did not cease there. The price she was told had apparently shocked her so she shook her hand, still gripping my machine asking “This one? This one? It’s that expensive”.

“Eeeeeeeiiiiiii Msichana Yoyoyoyoyo!!!!” The words reverberated throughout my mind palace. “Omera!!! Dis woman want to kill me now”, I thought. Reaching out robotically I plucked my beloved machine from her bony fingers and quickly examined it, ready to unleash my fury should a single scratch have surfaced. Now do remember that I do not hate the lady (already forgot what she looks like anyway), but at that moment, if she had been dying and I had the only available antidote, I would not have given it to her. Before you judge me, take a moment and think back. You have probably faced a similar scenario. And if you have not, then what do you think you would do?

Till the next time.

K.O. Jashtë